All Wins Are Big Wins

One of the most frustrating things that happens when living with AS is the tendency to judge ourselves against our pre-diagnosis selves or others who live without AS. I have certainly been guilty of this and I think it’s something that is best avoided. Instead we need to give ourselves the credit we rightly deserve.

Comparing with others

In this age of social media we live in, it is so easy for us to unfairly compare ourselves with others. Envying people’s looks or achievements can be very damaging to our self-esteem. I have found that living with chronic illness can amplify these feelings massively. Having a condition like AS, it is sometimes tough to see other people out and about or doing things that we know we would struggle to recreate.

My experience

I remember going to the gym with friends whilst recovering from a flare-up. After my friend would finish their set I would empty all of the weight from the bar and lift a considerably lower amount. The first few times I did this I was very afraid of what other people might be thinking if they saw me lifting what I deemed to be an embarrassingly low weight.

But then something occurred to me: why should I care what anyone else thinks? I suddenly realized that it was a massive achievement to even turn up at the gym in the first place. If any of these people had experienced what I’d been through and knew the effects of a condition like AS, then they certainly wouldn't be piling on the weight plates to their bars either.

For us, performing tasks like this takes so much more heart and effort and we really need to start giving ourselves the props we deserve for doing anything at all whilst living with the burden of AS.

Celebrating my own "small" win

After coming to this realization, I decided to bravely (or vainly) take to Instagram to post a video of me squatting 30kg.

Not long before this I had spent 8 months unable to stand up or walk without my crutches keeping me upright, so I was chuffed to bits that I was able to exercise at all and wanted to celebrate that.

I knew that it was not a jaw dropping amount of weight & wouldn’t lead to hoards of women swooning in my direct messages, but I wanted to prove a point: we should be proud of our achievements no matter what.

I am under no illusion that I'll be the next Mr. Olympia - probably something I should have learned before my diagnosis due to the lifelong absence of a six-pack. But I am immensely proud of the fact that I’m able to use any muscle at all after everything I’ve been through.

The reaction

The response to the post from able-bodied and disabled people alike, was overwhelmingly positive. It sparked a lot of conversations about how the achievements we earn in our lives with chronic illness should be celebrated, even if they might not be regarded as "big wins" by wider society. Nobody else can tell us how much of an achievement something is; only we know just how much it took to get it done and how much it means to us.

It's not just about gym

I don't want you to think this only applies to how much you can lift in the gym; I just happened to be working out when I came to this realization.

Many aspects of life with AS can be viewed in this way. If you are having a high pain day, then just getting out of bed and taking a shower is a massive success. Or if you need to spend a day recovering in bed, give yourself the props that you are taking control, listening to your body and giving it the rest it needs.

Conclusion

There is no point in comparing ourselves to people who do not live with conditions like ours. If life was a video game, living with AS would most certainly be playing on 'hard' mode.

It's all about perspective. Don’t compare yourself to others. Take pride in the things that you have done rather than concerning yourself with the things you haven't.

Remember there are no small wins; every win is massive. Sorry to use a football analogy, but it doesn't matter if a team wins a game by 1 goal or 15 - it’s still a victory and both will be celebrated just the same.

So give all of your achievements the props they deserve; know that every day you get up and brave the world with AS, you are showing you have the heart of a warrior.