Things My Chronic Illness Has Given Me

I try not to sugarcoat the reality of having a chronic illness like ankylosing spondylitis (AS), because it truly sucks. But whether it’s the optimist in me or a coping mechanism, I try to look at the bright side (even if I have to look really hard). My chronic illness has taken many things from me, but here are a few things I have gained since my diagnosis:

1. Awareness of disability issues

Before I developed AS, I had a basic understanding of disability. However, I didn’t have much exposure to the disabled community and never thought that I would become disabled — so I didn’t think about it very often. Now, it’s like a blindfold has been ripped off and I’m suddenly aware of disability in all situations.

I'm now aware that anyone I meet may have a disability even if I can’t tell, and I notice barriers to accessibility everywhere I go. I’ve learned so much about disability and become passionate about it — I’m even writing my undergraduate thesis with a focus on disability, and I’m working in an accessibility-related field. I most likely would have never developed this passion if I hadn’t got AS. My growing knowledge and understanding of the disabled community has also made me more open-minded and empathetic.

2. Appreciation for life

When I didn’t have AS, I could run, dance, jump, walk, sleep, party, and work without a second thought. Now, I know what it’s like to be unable to do those things because of my pain. I know what it’s like to say “no” to invitations and opportunities, and to spend entire days in bed with a flare-up, longing to live “normally” again. Thanks to medication, I have more good days than bad days lately, but now, I appreciate good days so much more. Getting a life-altering illness puts life into perspective. Simple things like going for a walk without limping feel like a dream. I now know that health is fleeting, and no longer take my ability to live life for granted.

3. Motivation to take care of my body

The management of my pain is heavily dependent on how well I take care of my body. Exercise is key. I had a pretty healthy lifestyle before AS, but now I have a new reason to take care of myself. Sometimes, I really don’t want to exercise, but knowing that it will help reduce my pain is enough to get me going. In fact, my exercise routine is more consistent now than it ever was before AS. This is not to say I take perfect care of my body all of the time, because I don’t, but being chronically ill gives me extra motivation to do the best I can. It’s the only way I can have some control over my symptoms.

4. True friends

The bad news: Many people are ignorant about disability, especially invisible disabilities. The good news: Having a disability allows you to find out who the ignorant people are. The way that my friends and family members react to my disability reveals a lot about their character. Sometimes I have to weed out people who suck, but the way I see it, at least I’m finding out that they’re ignorant early on. Without AS, I would have fewer opportunities to see a person’s character. If someone doesn’t understand, respect, or validate my disability, I have no reason to keep them in my life. Bye!

5. Resilience

The experience of developing this illness, searching for a diagnosis, and now living with it has not been easy. I’ve gone through many physical and emotional lows. I also deal with pain on a daily basis, often pushing through and hiding it just to get through a normal day. I now know that if I can make it through a chronic illness diagnosis, I can make it through other hard things (please, God, know that this is not an invitation to throw another hard thing at me). There is comfort in knowing that I can cope with something that sucks so much.

Not to mention, it has given me something to write about.

Although I would rather not have this illness, it can be helpful to focus on the good that has come out of it. I have learned and gained many things in my three years with diagnosed AS; I can only hope that there will be more to gain in the future.