Experiencing "FOMO" While Living With Chronic Pain

Chronic pain entered my life while I was a student-athlete in college. This is a time when most people discover independence and new friendships. They enjoy the freedom of late nights and spontaneous plans. Instead, I found myself navigating chronic stress, fatigue, and inflammation.

I had little social time. I was trying to survive a busy schedule of classes and training. At the time, the grief was real. I felt like I was missing out on something important. Fear of missing out (FOMO) felt very present. There were parties I left early and trips I declined. Some mornings, getting out of bed felt like an achievement.

I wondered why my path looked so different from everyone else’s. Over time, that experience taught me something profound. I had to learn how to protect my well-being.

Learning to say no

This meant learning to say “no”. If I’m honest, that was one of the hardest lessons.Saying no is not just about declining an invitation. It feels like disappointing others. You may fear that you will drift away from social circles. In college, it meant skipping late-night gatherings. I knew a lack of sleep would trigger a flare.

Later in life, it might mean choosing a quiet dinner. I might leave events earlier than others. I also began scheduling recovery time after intense work days.

Saying “no” created space for something more important: saying “yes” to myself. I say yes to slow down when my body asks for it. I say yes to boundaries that protect my energy. Prioritizing my well-being was not selfish; it was necessary.

Self-care comes first

I also embraced an anti-inflammatory lifestyle. Living with ankylosing spondylitis forced me to be intentional. I stopped drinking alcohol. I prioritized consistent sleep and stopped eating gluten. I became mindful of how food and stress influence my pain.

From the outside, these choices can look restrictive. Friends might say, “Come on, one drink won’t hurt”. They may ask why I am leaving already. These comments are rarely meant to be hurtful. However, they can still sting.

Many people do not understand living with a chronic illness. This is especially true when the illness is invisible. People often assume you can do everything they do. Deep down, I knew I was doing the right thing. I had to prioritize my self-care.

Advocating for my choices

Learning to navigate the views of others takes time. For me, it required 2 important shifts.

The first shift was communication. I learned to explain my situation simply. I did this without over-justifying it. People who care about you want to understand. They often become your biggest supporters.

The second shift was internal. I let go of the need for everyone to understand. Not everyone will, and that is okay. I stopped trying to meet every expectation. I stopped feeling guilty for setting boundaries.

A new way of living

I did not give up social connection or joy. I just redefined what they look like.

• I meet a friend for a walk instead of drinks
• I host a quiet dinner rather than going to a bar
• I choose quality time with a few close people

Living with a chronic illness can feel lonely. But joy does not disappear with a health-first approach. When you honor your body, life becomes more intentional. In the end, that is not missing out. That is choosing yourself.