What Makes Me Happy Makes Me Stronger

One sentence resonates into my head when I wonder what I can do to be happy and cope better with AxSpa. It comes from a physiotherapist I worked with during a self-management programme for patients with AxSpa. She said: "Well there are two things you can do which make you happy almost instantly, singing and dancing." That hit home for me straight away!

Revisiting what makes me happy

I did ten years of music when I was a kid and teenager, learning the piano and playing with a group of musicians. I tried the drums, and I sang from time to time. I stopped at 17, being more interested in going out with my friends than working on my scales. Since then, I have revisited my music, soon after my diagnosis. Somehow, I knew some answers to my happiness and wellbeing were in reconnecting with a part of me that was left unattended for too long. I have always been drawn to music, particularly to singing. So, I have joined two local Choirs to share music with others, to discover new songs and work on my technique. I have built my confidence again using my voice, standing in front of an audience and sharing my passion for music. Each time, I feel proud, accomplished and simply happy to sing. And all the breathing exercises we do are good for my AxSpa!

A holistic approach

I believe that when I was diagnosed with AxSpa, I was emotionally unbalanced, and my body suffered from this unbalance. I also believe in a holistic approach to manage my condition and live better with it. Creative activities I have done at a young age, such as music and ballet dance, gave me joy and opportunities to develop my strengths. Now living with AxSpa I need these kinds of activities more than ever. Being creative, taking part in artistic projects gives me a purpose, a way to express myself and a sense of achievement and satisfaction. As a result, I feel better mentally and emotionally and so I am better equipped to deal with physical symptoms.

Before my diagnosis, I was training in acting and I absolutely loved it. I had a fantastic time in drama school learning the technique, taking part in plays and meeting inspiring people along the way. Then AxSpa decided to show up, by creating so much pain, uncertainty and restriction in movement so I could not stand on a stage anymore. I missed it terribly and I was very sad. With time and patience, I revisited my love for acting and performing in a different way. Once I felt in control of my symptoms, I went back into it through physical theatre. I basically discovered my body again, learned how my new body moves by working with physical theatre practitioners, dancers, choreographers and art therapists.

I want to embody my new self

My interest was not in learning lines or embody a character anymore. I wanted to embody my new self, and I was curious to understand what I could still do physically. It’s been a real exploration to listen and discover my new body. Of course, one aspect of that discovery meant that I could not do certain things. However, I think it did help me to accept my diagnosis and focus on what I still can do. Since then, I have developed a new passion for movement, dance and improvisation. I dance every day at home, at least over one tune I really like. I dance at my pace, with joy and care for the new body I have. Also, I think dancing is a great way to exercise in a positive and relaxed atmosphere.

Overall, being creative through music, acting, or even writing is beneficial to my wellbeing. It brings me confidence, power and inspiration for the future. In 2020, during the lockdown, I started the creative program of Julia Cameron called The Artist's Way. I absolutely love the process and my aim is to finish this book early this year and develop my creativity further. When I feed myself with creativity, I am happy, I feel stronger and resourceful. So, I cope better and live better with AxSpa.