Being Unable To Exercise As I Want

Something that has been difficult for me ever since becoming chronically ill with AxSpA is the change of lifestyle – particularly working out/exercising. Before becoming sick, I was doing Insanity Max 30 workouts, biking, and walking regularly. I miss it dearly.

During the first few years, I was still able to do exercise

The first year of my symptoms showing up, I was bedridden a lot. When I wasn’t, I was in physiotherapy and walking almost every single day. I realized it started to help the pain, and I wanted to do it more and more. I tried to get back to some sense of normalcy.

After I started biologics during my second year of having AxSpA, I was able to start a new exercise journey: yoga! Yoga was amazing for me. It helped me keep my body moving. While it was no Insanity Max 30, it was something, and it made me feel good. I did yoga workouts alongside YouTube videos and became obsessed.

During those days, I was able to work out nearly every single day. I loved it. I felt like I was getting some of my old life back, and I was happy.

When I was diagnosed with AxSpA I was newly 22-years-old, so that probably helped with the energy and being able to do those workouts at that time. It didn’t last forever, as I had once hoped, though.

The following years have been more difficult

As the years have gone on, I’ve been less and less able to work out as much. My disease progressed a little bit, my fatigue got much worse, and I have aged.

I’m now 28 years old, which I know is still young, but my body no longer feels so young. The chronic fatigue symptom has really taken a toll on both my physical and mental health. I’m not the same person as I was when I was able to exercise as I pleased. I’m definitely sadder, as I don’t have that outlet I used to have.

I go through bouts of exercising daily or every other day. Then, the fatigue takes over and I’m trapped in bed for a day or two, and then I fall off of exercising altogether for a while. It’s very hard for me to manage mentally. I’ve gained weight and my mobility is not the same as it used to be.

In the warmer weather, I try to walk when I can or bike when I can. In the colder weather, I try to bike indoors or do yoga. It’s definitely not easy on my body, especially in the winter. I’m in more pain in the winter, and that mixed with seasonal depression, my fatigue gets worse too.

I’m trying my best. Mentally, losing the one vice that I loved when I was younger has been hard. I’m definitely sadder when I cannot exercise. It’s extremely hard to find something that won’t fatigue me, but also challenges me the way that I want.

I’m working on it

I’m always trying to work on exercise and finding the balance in my body. I’m still learning every day of my AxSpA journey, and I feel like I always will be.

If you exercise, what are some that work for you?