The Anxiety That Comes With Being Homebound

By Sarah Lee

2 min read

One way in which disability has greatly impacted me is how much anxiety it has caused, specifically in social settings. I’ve always been a shy individual—carefully trying to find the balance between giving myself the freedom to be who I am without standing out too much, while also simultaneously blending in with the rest of the crowd. Despite this, I’m a natural social butterfly who likes to really get to roots of who people are. Becoming homebound has robbed me of this.

I lost my confidence in groups of people

I worked so hard to get myself to a place where I was confident in myself and my ability to make conversation with large groups of people or strangers. It took me years to get to this point after struggling socially in high school. Working at my previous job really helped me strengthen those muscles and keep me in an environment that expected that of me. Well, after becoming ill, having to quit my job and became homebound, I slowly began to watch my confidence slip when I did eventually get to be in those social circumstances.

I feel hidden from the world

First and foremost, when you hide away from the world, it only makes sense that eventually you will forget what it’s like to converse with other people—but add on top of this feeling as though you can’t relate to anybody around you anymore. I felt like I couldn’t connect with the people I was once closest with. And I can totally understand how this came about.

I was oh-so-suddenly stripped away from society after COVID hit and my disabling symptoms left me homebound. It took away my ability to do so much of what I love and then set fuel to the fire by losing the things that made me and those people connect in the first place.

I’m constantly overthinking

Being homebound has made it overthink everything. Am I oversharing? Am I talking about my illness too much? Do my friends think I’m boring now? I know I’m not the same person I was before I was ill, and I am always so worried that it reflects outwardly and that because of this, people may not want to be around me. I am so self-aware of this and the idea that so much of my life is different and uneventful in comparison to those around me. I often find myself wondering if I’m either too much or not enough.

I’ve been working on calming the storm

Being a self-aware individual can either be the best thing or the worst thing for you. Seen in the right light, it can help us in bettering ourselves and getting the help we need. I wish I didn’t have these struggles but being self-aware of it affecting my life as much as it does, I am working towards actively strengthening those social muscles again and calming the anxiety in my mind.

I know I’m enough, and I know that those who want to be a part of my life will still be here no matter what stage of my life I am in or how much my illness is impacting me. I just need to remind myself of this in those anxiety-consuming moments.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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SuzyQ22 Member
 Hi Sarah , thank you for sharing this article . My heart really goes out to you and others that feel or have felt this way . Through out lock down and working in a hospital I could see how the covid lockdowns were really effecting people that were isolated at home . Some of the patients I was meeting would usually have people around them , support groups and just places to go with other people around them for company and then it was all striped away , they were left feeling lonely . So to now try and get used to mixing again and feeling like you once did can understandably take time . Just little steps and I feel like you will get back on track . I can kind of relate to the feeling of loosing my self a little strangely after I had my first child just because I was so used to working in a busy salon seeing loads of people to then being a mum at home “ which I loved “ but also found to be quite lonely . Also I had a big flare up three months after the birth so I felt rubbish , one thing lead to another and I found this time in my life difficult . It took me a while to start to venture out and become more sociable again but i remember it taking even longer before I felt like me again . I feel like not to be hard on our selves and remember things take time to fall back in to place again . Blessings to you . 
1. Doreen H Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="SuzyQ22" user-id="4536537"/> Thank you for sharing your experience and great words of advice. I hope you are doing well. Kindly, Doreen (Team Member)
ts_kaiser Member
Hi Sarah, and y’all. I share your pain, depression, and anxiety related to AS, the rewards of helping people, and the joys of being functional. I have a long story, like all of us, but I was particularly struck by your aloneness Sarah, housebound and watching the minutes go by, not having the energy to start or finish projects, and struggling through the ones I have no choice.
Alex465 Member
Frightened of becoming agoraphobic because of the isolation upon isolation upon isolation. I'm living within 4 walls not socialising or talking to anyone. Losing the art of conversation because there is nothing to talk about! Day in day out. Not going anywhere accept approved appointments. No conversations with people in passing. The isolation is incredible. Where you'd smile in passing is now 'nothing' in passing. Where there was 'good morning' is now silence. Is like not hearing anything as people are not talking. Time is flying by and the world has stood still. It's eerie and weird.
Doreen H Community Admin
 Sarah Lee, Thank you for bringing this topic to a conversation. So many in this community can relate to this situation. You are doing an incredible job not only with your own self-awareness but in helping others as well. ~Doreen (Team Member)
Nicky-Flikas-aks Moderator & Contributor
Hi Sarah, Beautiful article on the struggles of having anxiety and chronic illness that comes with it. I can relate to this article so much. These past 3 years, I been spending so much more time at home. The pandemic helped so much in not worrying about having to socialize as much. But now things are opening up and events are starting. I am struggling in findings ways to cope and remind myself that it is ok to feel the way we feel. We have been through so much. I think you are doing an amazing job and doing the best that you can. I can see you have a great plan a head on working on making things better. I will do the same on working more on self aware. Sending you hugs, Nicky (Team Member)
James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
I can relate to this article so much. The last 3 years of my life I have pretty much spent inside away from the rest of society. One of those being because of how immobile I was and the past two from shielding during the pandemic because of being immunosuppressed. I’ve definitely felt a massive disconnect as a result of this. From my friends and the world in general if I’m being honest. But like you said it is good to remind ourselves of the ones that have stuck with us throughout. In a way it has kind of been revealing and shown who I had around me that really cared and allowed me to drop off the ones that clearly didn’t. Glad to see how self aware you are and I hope these steps you are taking will make the situation better for you. Wishing you well, James (Community Member)
Lawrence Rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 Like most things in our life, taking part in a group is a muscle. The more we do it the stronger and better we are doing it. I was a terribly shy person and I still am in some circumstances. Because of my career I had to get over it. I am not over it all together, I still tend to go back to that shy self in new circumstances. I remind myself often, being social is a muscle, that I have to use. It is not natural but, I can do it.