A Letter to My Past Self

Dear past Ali,

You will never believe how much you have grown. You are so strong. You’ve been through a lot.

This past year has been a tough one for you. You were bed bound, couldn’t walk properly and dealt with feeling so unwell for so long.

You know how injections are your biggest fear? You now inject yourself every two weeks with no nerves! You should be so proud of yourself. You know how you faint after every blood test? Well not anymore! You still get a little nervous and find it uncomfortable but no more fainting! Just as-well because you have to get them done every two to three months.

Remember how you felt like you could pass out at any moment? Well that still happens but not as often and definitely not as intense. There was a time where you would have to lie down after even just talking! Don’t worry you’ve a lot more energy now that does not happen anymore.

Your even back driving! Sometimes it causes you more pain, but you can do it!

You have grown so much in the past year. Both physically and emotionally. You no longer cry every day. Being honest I cannot remember the last time you cried.

Instead of bottling everything up, you now talk openlye about your illness with your friends and family. This helps you a lot. You have stopped worrying about if people will think you're talking about it for attention. You know that your friends and family want to listen to you.

All the fears you had last year are pretty much gone. You went away with your boyfriend. You went away with the girls. Just around Ireland because of covid but you did it! You thought you would always be too sick to enjoy the things you used to! Well your not. You're still sick but you're learning how to live with it.

You have learned how to listen to your body. Which is amazing! And you do listen to it. You’ve stopped pushing yourself too much. You have realized that rest is the best medicine. You now do things to help future you. You stretch your body, swim and exercise. You’ve started eating healthier and you have made a great plan with your doctor in relation to taking your meds. You now only take NSAIDS when you need them instead of every day. They started hurting your belly a lot.

Remember your birthday last year? You wrote an article about this which I’m so happy you did so you can see how much you have progressed in the last year. Well, this year's birthday was a lot different. You were the life of the party. You didn’t have to go home early.

Past Ali would never believe how much you have learned to live with your condition.

You now control your condition, it does not control you anymore. You live your life to the fullest with some adjustments.

At times you thought you would never be able to get through this. You did!