I Know They Hear Me, But Are They Really Listening?

Living with an illness and trying to get those around you to understand, to a certain extent anyways, what it’s like to be in your shoes can take a lot of patience. I’ve experienced this myself, but it’s not always as simple as it sounds.

There’s been many times where I’ve had to reiterate my health circumstances and how it impacts my life as a whole and alongside that, still feel like everything I’ve explained just isn’t getting through. There’s something I always come back to saying in these moments of frustration: “I know they can hear me, but it doesn’t feel like they’re listening.”

It makes me feel disrespected

When I talk about reiterating my health circumstances, I mean having to explain for the fourth time why I can’t work a normal full-time job, even part-time, as someone tries to tell me about an opening. It makes me feel disrespected because it feels as though they are entirely disregarding those boundaries I’ve set and explained due to my limitations.

It feels like they are ignoring everything that I have vulnerably expressed to them and choosing instead to push their ideations of what limitations they think I should have given my circumstances, rather than actively listening and respecting mine.

It’s exhausting having to constantly explain myself

For me, living in a chronically ill body means having to do things in my life a little differently than most able-bodied people. For example, cooking is usually a no-go for me because of my fatigue. I have already spent what little energy I have trying to keep up with my other responsibilities that by the time dinner time rolls around, I have to rest for the remainder of the day.

In general, I’ve had to explain to people why I don’t do certain things or why I have to cancel visits or other important life events. Constantly feeling like you have to defend yourself because of your illness is draining and, in my opinion, shouldn’t be necessary. Being stuck in a sick body is reason enough to do things however you choose without explanation.

My feelings and boundaries are usually disregarded

When people don’t truly listen to me after expressing condition and it’s limitations, and they are actively ignoring that information moving forward, it leaves me feeling like me and my feelings just aren’t that important to them. I find myself thinking things like, “If they really cared about me, wouldn’t they have understood why I don’t have a job and stop trying to find one for me?”

It’s like everything I had said went in one ear and out the other. Either that or they are choosing to believe that I am over-exaggerating my condition. It makes me feel like they don’t care that I have these limitations and instead would rather try to convince me that “I can do anything!”, when that’s just not my reality. Limitations are okay, and are a huge aspect for those who live with a chronic illness or disability.