The Old Me Vs. The New Me

I feel like something a lot of us do is compare. We compare the things we used to do to the things we do now. We also compare what we were like before being sick to what we are like now, post-diagnosis. I wanted to share a bit of who I was before being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis to who I am now, an AS warrior.

Activities

The old me

Before my diagnosis, I was a pretty active 21-year-old. I would do workouts every day, go for bike rides, walks with my friends. I would also go out to bars every so often and get drunk. You know, normal 20-something activities. I worked a lot, too. I was rarely home because in my downtime I just wanted to see friends and go out. Travel was a big part of my life, too. And on those trips, I would never have downtime. It was go-go-go all the time. I never anticipated that my life would slow down drastically shortly after my 21st birthday.

The new me

Once my symptoms showed up, my life took a serious halt. I left work, I didn’t see friends, and I was bedridden. No more workouts, no more getting drunk at parties or going out.

The good news is, I’ve adjusted to this new lifestyle of mine. Now I do yoga when I can instead of intense workouts. I see friends when I can, or I talk to them via Facetime when I’m too fatigued. I drink maybe once or twice a year for special occasions, but I’ve kind of learned that I don’t need alcohol to have fun. Life took a huge turn, but in the process of slowing down, I’ve realized a lot more about myself that I didn’t know pre-diagnosis. Downtime is needed in order to continue living my life the way that I want to.

Personality

The old me

I’ve had mental health issues since I was in high school, but I never sought help for them. I include this in the personality heading because I believe that I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have social anxiety or depression, they’re part of who I am and learning to live and cope with them has been part of the journey.

I’ve always been an empathetic and kind person. It’s part of my nature. I was just sometimes too shy or afraid to put myself out there and show that side of me to the world. The old me was a lot more hidden inside of herself than I am now.

The new me

I only sought professional help for my mental health issues once I got sick. I decided that it was too much to handle on my own, and let me tell you, it was the best decision I ever made. I’ve learned how to cope with my issues and incorporate self-care and self-love into my daily routine. To show up for myself every day and put myself first.

As I mentioned, I’ve always been an empathetic and kind person, but I believe that I’ve become more empathetic and kinder than I was before. I’ve been put in a lot of difficult situations and learned a lot from the people in the chronic illness community over the last 3 years. I’ve come out of my shell more and more as I’ve learned a lot more about myself and the way my body has decided to work, and I’ve used that to help others. Something I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared and anxious to do so.

The old vs. the new

It feels like the old me was a totally different person in every sense. And it feels like so long ago. I’m so proud of myself for coming so far and learning from my peers and surroundings over the last 3 years. How have you grown since becoming ill? What are the biggest changes you’ve noticed in yourself?