Feeling the Pressure from Able-Bodied People to Get Better

One thing has remained a constant throughout the decline of my health these last two years. I feel a looming pressure to get better.

As someone living with a chronic illness, hearing the term “get better soon” makes my eyes roll. It’s not that I don’t want to get better, or that I don’t believe I ever will — it’s that the more time goes on, the more the people around me expect me to feel better by now.

There is no quick fix for chronic illness

Every body and immune system works differently. Some people get lucky and only require a few appointments before receiving treatments. Others, like myself, could take years to find a diagnosis.

People are often misdiagnosed and have to go through the works all over again. It’s unrealistic and unfair to have some sort of timeline for our recovery. There's no "end-date" for our health struggles.

My illness does not inconvenience you

With that being said, of course chronic illnesses can affect those around us tremendously. Even so, it should not be something that makes you feel annoyed. Nobody chooses to become ill. Likewise, nobody chooses how long it takes for their circumstances to improve.

Everything is a waiting game for us. I have had to put my whole life and all of my goals on pause. If you think our illness is inconveniencing you, imagine how we must feel.

Able-bodied people do not have to consider their health in every single decision. I am disabled. This can mean many different things for different people. Personally, I might be able to walk up a flight of stairs or go for a walk, but that does not mean that I should. My chronic illness constantly stops me in my tracks. Everything I do physically has a negative impact.

So my illness is not a true inconvenience to you. It does not directly affect your daily life in a negative way. Please reflect on why you might feel frustrated with my limitations.

Trust that I’m trying my best

Your internalized ableism and negative feelings towards my illness aren’t going to make me “get better” any faster. If it could flip a switch, I would have done it by now. Nobody chooses to struggle like this. Nobody wants to constantly live in survival mode. I am a driven person stuck in a sick person's body.

Just because I can't work at the same rate as you does not mean that I have stopped trying. I still push myself in ways that able-bodied people will never understand.

Instead of assuming the worst, trust that I am doing everything I can with what I have. Trust that I am working hard to keep my life together and moving forward. But my progress will look different than it does for you.

There may be a day when my health improves, or maybe even a day I go into remission. But it is not up to anyone to dictate what I am capable of or how hard I should be pushing myself.

A disabled person shouldn’t have to convince you that they are doing their best. You should just trust that they are.