How Being Chronically Ill Affects My Relationship

When I first met my fiancé, I had already been in remission for seven years. I explained to him early on about my illness, how it affected my life, and what it may look like for me—-for us-—in the future. Presently, two years later, things look much different than when we had first met. In remission, I had all of the energy in the world. We would go to cafés together, working from our laptops side by side, and spend nearly the whole afternoon there. We’d go on many adventures, driving around and spotting locations to take photoshoots together. I could spend hours hiking trails or working long shifts at my job.

Things have changed

But now, I spend nearly every hour on my couch or in bed. I hardly have the energy to keep up with household chores or my school work. Not only had my AS began to flare up, but I was also diagnosed with a bacterial overgrowth, which had become so fierce I had to quit my job. Every day I struggle to take care of myself. I am not the wild, independent person I was when we first got together. I can’t handle what I once used to, and although that doesn’t change my self-worth, it’s definitely altered the dynamic of our relationship.

Communication is essential

What I’ve learned through this shift in my lifestyle is that communication is the most vital foundation of a relationship, especially when living with a chronic illness. One thing I have always struggled with is asking for help, but in wanting to spend the rest of my life with this person, I had to let my walls down and learn to communicate my needs better. Not only has this helped me out tremendously but it has helped my partner better understand my illness.

It's brought us closer

Communicating how I’m feeling, even if it becomes repetitive, has strengthened our relationship and brought us closer together. Through this, he has a better understanding that, although he will never fully understand what it is like to live a chronically ill life, the best thing he can do is to listen, educate himself and help me out in the ways that he is able to. He now knows how to identify when I am having a rough day and how to help make things a little easier for me.

We're navigating together

There are still many days we both become disheartened by the idea that I can’t handle the things that we used to do together. But being open about my feelings has made my fiancé comfortable with sharing his; moments where he becomes sad because there is only so much that he can do. I’m sure there will be more moments like these down the road. But the most important part is that we are learning to navigate through this together and explore new ways to cherish our time with one another, even if it looks different than what it once did.