The Rollercoaster of Living with Chronic Pain

Being in pain 24 hours of the day, 7 days of the week is exhausting. Losing sleep because of it, waking up early because of it, not being able to lay down comfortably because of it, not being able to stand up or walk around either…sometimes you feel like you just can’t win. You’re stuck in the middle of not wanting to let it to take control over your life but also being so exhausted and fed up that you just want to scream.

I try my best not to let it get in the way

If I were to let my pain consume me every waking moment of the day, nothing would ever get done. I already spend the majority of my day laying down or sitting up from my bed, so I have to try my hardest every day to not let my frustrations with it get in the way. Just like any other human walking this planet, there are things that I need to get done despite being in debilitating pain. I still voice my feelings about how hard it is, or how sore I am that day, but not allowing the pain to dictate how I go about my day leaves me biting my tongue and having moments of aggravation.

Distractions only work for so long 

When medication fails me, distractions are my best friend. Distractions, in whatever form it may come in, can be a great way to bring your attention to something else. Unfortunately distractions only work so much. Eventually the pain comes seeping back through and reminds me that it’s still around. Whatever I’m doing becomes more and more difficult to focus on. It’s like having a toddler constantly screaming and crying. You try everything in your power to ignore it and hope that it stops or falls asleep. Instead it gets increasingly louder until you just can’t take it anymore, and you put whatever you were working on down and give it attention.

Eventually I break and my pain gets the best of me

With being sore every second of the day comes the inevitable: a breaking point. I feel like coping with chronic pain means learning and accepting that eventually, that breaking point will come and when it does to give those emotions the release they deserve. I used to judge myself based on how frequently I would break down, but then I came to realize two things. The first being that, if my pain is becoming stronger and more prevalent, that of course the space between my breakdowns would decrease. Secondly, it was unfair to judge myself when every person copes with pain differently, and also because my “strength” can differ from day to day. It’s important to recognize and normalize the negative emotions that come with living with chronic pain.

I pick myself back up and do it all over again

Once the dark cloud fades away, I brush myself off and try again. A huge part of dealing with chronic pain is both accepting that it may break us and refusing to allow it to keep us down. Sometimes I go through this rollercoaster daily, other times I can go a few days without letting it get to me—but that’s the thing with pain—it truly is a rollercoaster. We have to take it day by day, moment by moment, and ride the ups and downs as they come.