3 Frenemy Habits Threatening Your Self-Care
I hate finding out that somebody wasn’t actually my friend. It’s painful and embarrassing, especially when the evidence was plain for me to see all along.
Betrayal can be confirmed by anything from catty comments coming back to me, a sloppy cut-paste job from my writing without attribution, racist remarks and social media posts, or seeing them fawn over somebody they know hurt me.
No matter the transgression, this stuff hurts. All the time we spent together is gone along with the assumed intimacy and personal information they hoovered up. It’s just as easy to feel that habits and situations are friends, especially if something has gone on for a long time.
Legitimate friendships can and do go wrong, but frenemies might be the better bet where serious damage is concerned. Frenemies happen in relationships that simulate friendship and support while simultaneously bringing hostility and animosity along for the ride.
Here are 3 frenemy habits threatening your self-care
Unhelpful relationships
Most of us have at least one relationship that we’ve outgrown. Social media gives staying power to relationships that would have withered a decade ago. These days, people from formative but past phases of our lives can linger on and on. Fringe family members, friends of the family, or former coworkers can burrow into and stay in our circle.
Frenemy Test: Do you find yourself buffering what you say or post to avoid conflicts with certain people? Maybe you hope they’re not at certain gatherings, but you still pretend things are okay? These are important clues that something is off.
Chaotic struggle mode
It’s hard to gain perspective without dedicated time and space to do so because whatever we’re used to feels normal. It’s often much easier to see the troubles somebody else is having. In my opinion, this is one of the hardest things about understanding ourselves.
Frenemy Test: Do you find yourself repeating the same mistakes with time management or lost wallets and keys? Are you always in a hurry? This means that your routine has room for improvement, not everything is working in your favor.
Vague self-care
Self-care is a fundamental component of the lives we live, but like good food, safe shelter, and a healthy environment it often goes unnoticed until undeniable issues arise. A hazy understanding of and commitment to fostering and protecting our health gives room for unhelpful or even harmful habits to grow.
Frenemy Test: Do you center the needs or opinions of others over your own wellbeing? Did you grow up without appropriate structure or support from the adults in your life? We all have room for improvement, but centering yourself is essential.
Action items
Set a floor--this foundation should include goals or targets for your routine. Some areas include bedtime, nutrition and hydration, activity, and things that feed your soul and make you happy.
Check-in with yourself on a regular basis--take time to consider how things are going. Is it time to shift who and what you spend your time on? Have some commitments and relationships run their course?
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