Tuning Into Self-Worth While Chronically Ill

By Lisa Marie Basile

2 min read

A lot of the time when I'm speaking to people with AS (and other chronic pain conditions), they mention that their disease has made them feel worthless. This always breaks my heart. I'm immediately consumed with the desire to "fix" their perspective, to convince them otherwise: No, you're wrong. You are worthy! You shouldn't think like that!

And yet I know, in my heart, that validation and acknowledgment is its own kind of medicine. It doesn't take the pain away. It doesn't make anyone feel any more worthy. But it does give someone the right — and pathway — to experience and express their feelings. In a society where we're told to get better, get back to work, suck it up, and move on, this can work wonders.

The thing is, AS doesn't "get better tomorrow" and there's likely no "moving on." The next best thing is to accept that this reality is ours and to do what we can to make it more tolerable. I think part of this is being honest with our feelings, even the uncomfortable ones.

When I feel unworthy or like I've "lost value" — often due to having quit my full-time job due to AS, or not having the energy to create or play or be engaged as I used to — there are a few things that help me. Perhaps they will help you, too.

Just be in the feelings

Look at them. Examine them. Sit with them. Talk to them. Feel them. Write them. Embody them. Embrace your storm and give yourself the outlet. The shadow self is responsible for all the dark, subterranean feelings we have, and ignoring it means denying any potential to move past it.

I try to adopt the idea that our thoughts ("I am worthless") aren't necessarily real

They exist within our internal worlds, but they have no real form. They are not fact. And yet the energy and intention we bring to them can help them alchemize, which is why I try to reroute my thinking when it gets to a place of unworthiness. If I feed these thoughts, they grow. If I let them pass like sticks down a flowing river, I can nod and let them go.

I'm proud of writing to you, here. I'm proud of developing greater empathy. I'm proud of using what energy I do have to nurture my creative pursuits. I'm proud of being able to enjoy rest, silence, and pause. I'm proud of intuiting my body's needs. Even though these are not the things I used to talk about being proud of, they're real, valid, and valuable things — and I know you have things to be proud of, too.

I tap into gratitude

At this point, the gratitude argument can go two ways. Being told to have some gratitude can be one way to bypass someone's suffering. On the other hand, gratitude is a way of taking stock of the present moment and orienting myself in the reality around them. Gratitude is my north star and always sets me right when pity and self-neglect come into play.

How do you conquer these sorts of feelings? Comment below and let me know!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Lisa Marie Basile" user-id="2108259"/> Hello, What an inspiring article! Thank you, it's always a pleasure to read you. There's food for thought there for me, as I can improve the way I deal with my feelings in general in life, and then of course those negative ones related to AxSpa. I have worked on negative ones in the past, learnt to let them pass with meditation / mindfulness. I also did some CBT working on those cycles of negative thoughts triggered when a well too known symptom appears. Yet, I would like to do more with these thoughts and feelings, your idea of writing them, moving them, that talks to me! Finally, I think music is a big refuge for me: listening to specific songs, singing along, dancing on upbeat tunes. That can help me a lot 😀 Take care, Julie.
Steve Tuffin Moderator
<inline-mention username="Lisa Marie Basile" user-id="2108259"/> Good morning, Lisa. This is such a wonderful message. I loved the idea of letting negative thoughts flow past 'like sticks down a flowing river'. What a stunning simile. I've suffered at the hands of all those negative thoughts at one stage or another. They, like the AS, are now constants. Bt the struggle goes on, doesn't it? And reading articles such as this one, gives me an added boost. It makes me rethink my attitude and realise; I am not alone with these feelings. That other people, good people, are going through a similar thing. Anyway, thank you for sharing. It gave me a real lift this morning. Steve - Community Advocate
James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Lisa Marie Basile" user-id="2108259"/> There is so much realness in this article! It really hits me too when I speak to others with AS who have said things like this to me. I too felt the need to 'fix' their perspective, but I realised that I have been in their shoes in the past. It took me a while to be comfortable with my situation and everyone has their own mental and physical journey with this condition. I totally agree the best thing to do is just speak and listen to them and maybe try to share a few lessons that have helped us on our way. Thanks for a great article! Wishing you all the best, James (Community Member)