Full of Different Emotions Waiting to Start My Next Biologic

It’s been an anxious wait, since seeing my rheumatologist mid-July. I felt so confident leaving his office. Finally, felt listened to, that my pains needed some help. My pains had increased from low back pain to my whole back, neck, not to mention the chest pains and whole ribcage.

My last biologic caused issues

I had to go off my last biologic, due to my results on my last head MRI. The results showed 3 small lesions, that’s how I was sent to see a neurologist and she wanted me off right away. She explained some biologics like increase the risks of having multiple sclerosis. So we decided on a biologic that was less likely to cause this.

I left his office feeling relieved and regained so much hope, that I might find some relief or maybe even remission. Slowly, slowly, as the days pass and waiting to see if my insurance will accept, I am starting to doubt, feel scared about trying another medication once again. It’s been almost 3 weeks and still no answer from the company that’s helping me get this medication.

I am afraid and feeling doubt

You ask me what am I afraid of? Why am I doubting or feeling terrified trying another medication? It’s going to be my 4th biologic, not to mention all the medication I have tried before and during. With all the side effects I have gotten, is it worth it to try another medication again? Reading more and more online from other members on the same medication breaks my heart completely to see them still be in pain, or worse.

Then there are those members, that found relief right away or after 3 to 6 months. It worries me I will get disappointed once again. I haven’t had the best experience with biologics. Cimzia stopped working after loading doses, Taltz increased my anxiety, gave me palpitations, weight gain, and made me feel worse, then you had Humira that gave me more rashes on my fingers and a foot creating more psoriasis.

My medication now has only worked okay

I am currently taking DMARD hydroxychloroquine and Tramacet daily. I have seen an improvement, but very fair. My flares are happening less than usual and I am able to move more. But I still have a lot of pains every day with not being able to sit long, stand long or walk long without increasing my pains. "Is this how it is supposed to be?," I think to myself. Is this how my new comfortable can be? What if being just in less pain, is what I need to accept?

Then I am thinking, I have nothing to lose by just trying and seeing where it takes me. I can always try and stop if it’s not for my body. I need to have that hope, but at the same time, I need to do what is best for my body. I will talk about it another time with you, as I am still waiting to get approval from the insurance.