It's Already 2 Years Since My Diagnosis
It has been 2 years since I received my diagnosis of AxSpa and fibromyalgia. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It's a day I will always remember. A day that brought in new worries, but at the same time some relief. A day full of emotions, like fear, sadness and anxiety. A day I finally knew it was not all in my head. A day I finally thought I would get answers and get my cure to everything I was feeling. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of a new journey. A new journey, of finding out what it meant to live with chronic illness.
It’s been exactly 2 years
I have been on multiple treatments to figure out something that would help relieve some of my symptoms. I have been put on anti-depressants, different muscle relaxers, anti-inflammatory medication, pain medication, and opioids like Tramacet. Everything I have been trying that was not helping. I would just end up flaring up more, getting more symptoms, or just not helping me at all. I finally got to start on biologics. I have been on Cimzia, Taltz and Humira. All of them just made me feel worse. Because I have Axspa and Fibromyalgia, it’s even harder to find something that will help both.
I am right now on Cosentyx. It is my 4th biologic and my longest one I have been on. It is hard to tell if it is helping. But if I look back on how far I have come, since diagnosis, it’s a big difference. I use to spend my whole day in bed. I was on sick leave and not able to do much at all. I had a hard time getting up and doing any task, around the house. Things like cleaning, doing the dishes, the laundry was just really hard.
I was not able to pick up my arms to wash my hair, without being in excruciating pain. I would use my shower chair almost every day. I now use it maybe once a week. Although I still have a hard time sitting, standing and walking for long periods of time, it is a little better. I still struggle every single day with my body.
I have learned to listen to my body
I have learned when I need to rest, I need to rest. I have learned, I can't make everyone happy around me and saying no to things, is ok. It is ok to put yourself first, in order to be ok. I have stopped feeling guilty for choosing what is best for me.
In the past 2 years, I found a passion for writing. I have found a way to express how I feel, about everything I am going through. Writing is a way of helping me get through and keeping everything from getting bottled up. I found a way not only to help myself, but to help others that are going through the same thing.
If I look to 2 years ago and now, I have gotten stronger in this fight. I have tried to create a new life for myself, that includes my disease. I have let go of my old job and found something I can still enjoy and do from my home. I have created a routine for myself. A routine I can look forward too, every day, to have a better quality of life. I am young still and it doesn’t mean my life has to end like this. I had enough days, laying in bed and dwelling on things I can’t do. I decided to push and create a routine, where I have control of my limits and how I feel.
I am a mom of 3. What am I showing them if I just give up? What am I showing them by not trying? I want to show them that whatever life brings to you, you don’t just give up. You get up and you keep trying. You keep trying, because every time you try a little harder, that is what makes you more stronger. Every time you try one more time, you might find another way to get through what is blocking your way. Life is full of ups and downs. We need those downs to learn from, and make us into the person we need to be. Even if a lot of the times it may not feel like it. There will come a time where is will all make sense. At least, I keep hoping for it.
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