Having a Rough Day

This is mentally killing me. Going on disability was hard enough, that alone makes me feel so useless. I thank god everyday for my amazing wife who understands me and loves me unconditionally.

I have lost 40 plus pounds over the past 4 years, with no explanation why. I've Seen every specialist out there, but still no answers. My stomach is now my number one problem and fatigue a close second.

I have got my pain under control, but thats it. I'm 52 ready to have my 5th child and am getting very scared on my abilities to take care of this new addition to our family. My wife deserves more from me... my children deserve more... I give them my best everyday and they dont complain at all.

If I could just build up my energy level, if I could just get past my stomach issues... Weirdly enough, valium is the only thing to help my stomach to relax, but my pcp hates to give it to me. Its all that helps.

I hope to wake up someday and find i was in a nightmare.....