Just another bad day

By Nicky Flikas

2 min read

Friday morning, 6 am, the voice of my husband trying to wake up the kids for school. I tried to open my eyes wide, but I was so extremely tired, it took me a while. I just knew this was not going to be a good day. A flare day? I felt it starting yesterday, but I hoped today would be different.

Pain has impacted my relationships

Now my kids have learned that on days when I am not able to get up from bed easily, to get ready and go off to school. I am so grateful to have them in my life. They are what keeps me fighting. They are the reason I want to keep trying. I know it hasn't been easy for my kids and especially my husband.

My husband is my biggest support through all this. I thank God for him being in my life everyday. I know I don't show it much. I don't show much of my love lately to him because pain can easily make you into a person you can least imagine. Angry, guilty, ashamed and most of all want to be alone because you feel like a burden. Through all this he keeps giving me hope that all this will get better and everything is for a reason. The sufferers on this earth are the ones that will find peace in the end.

Going on is tough, but I must

Days like today, I really don't see how they can be true. Waking up and feeling so exhausted brought on all my anxieties this morning. Thinking about how can someone be in so much pain and feel so tired. How can someone feel all they want to do is try, but are unable to. My mind wants too, but my body says the opposite. So many things go through your mind on these days. How you haven't seen anyone in so long. How you can imagine going back to work and have all the other responsibilities on you? How can I continue to be a good wife and a good mother to my children? How I am so exhausted mind, body and soul. How will someone listen to me and know that I am in so much pain? How will I get myself downstairs to my kids after school and put that smile on my face and keep showing how strong I can continue to be? How if I just let down my hopes and faith, I will let down these 3 humans I brought into this world.

What it all comes down to in the end is how to continue on learning to deal with flare days. Hopefully only until I figure out the right treatment with my doctors as they are doing more tests. Their might be something, but for now I have to do some self care and take care of my body and what it needs to get through another day.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
Hi Nicky, Really sorry that you are going through this. It's hard enough some days looking after myself I can't imagine what it is like with a partner and children too! But I am really glad to hear they are all very understanding of you! You're such a strong person and your children are lucky to have someone to look up to like yourself! I really hope you manage to get your treatments sorted soon so things can get a bit easier for you. But in the meantime give your body the rest it deserves! All the best, James (Community Member)
1. Nicky Flikas Moderator
 Hi James, Thank you for the beautiful and motivational words. I am wishing you well also and sending you also positive vibes you way. Take care, Nicky
Joe Heeres Member
This is the first post Ive read on this site and the reason we are becoming involved in this community. Thank you for sharing. I’m a supportive husband and we identify with the experiences you’ve shared. The struggle, the faith, the hope. 
1. Nicky Flikas Moderator
 Hi @LooseMoose I am so glad to hear you enjoyed the article. Welcome to the community. This is an amazing place full of different stories and experiences. A great place full of information on AXSPA. I wish you well and your wife is lucky to have a supportive husband. Wishing you well. Take care, Nicky (community team member)
Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
Hi Nicky, I hear you, and the despair of those flare days. It can be really tough, and yet you're showing up for yourself, acknowledging the struggle and writing about it with so much sincerity. Yes it will get better. I know it's hard to believe that when you are having tough days, but with the support at home, this community and the doctors you're seeing you will get some answers. I wish you to find the right treatment as this will change your life for the better! I have been on biologics for the past six years and I don't get flares as often now and when they come their intensity is far less so I can still function. In the meantime, as you say self care is key, finding things that works for you on those bad days will make you go through that waiting time, until you get to try some treatment. Take care, Julie.

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