Accepting a Chronic Illness Takes Time
It has taken me a long time to accept that this disease is here to stay with me and it’s not going anywhere, any time soon. A lot of the times, I have forgotten that my body is not like it used to be. It can’t do things I once loved or would love to do, at the capacity I would like. It’s been hard a lot of the times, trying to remind myself to take a step back and not overdo it every time. I am still learning through this process, no matter how much time it takes me.
Good days are like a race
For example on the good days, I forget a lot of the time, I still need to take it slow and not overdo it. It’s so easy to forget and not let yourself get overly excited on those feel-good days. As this weekend, I started doing things around the house, cleaning, cooking, catching up on all the things I wasn’t able to do during the week. Like it was a race and I couldn’t wait to get to the finish line.
I knew it wouldn’t last that long, as always. Sunday came along and woke up in the middle of the night with the worst pains possible. Then came Monday morning, it was so hard to function from the pains and the extreme exhaustion. I had to up my dosage of Tramacet, which made my work day pretty long and harder to be productive.
Accepting limits, learning patience
Chronic illness and accepting your body's new limits is a work in progress for me. I don’t think you ever get over that feeling. You just learn to move on and deal with it. At least for me that’s what it feels like. It’s really taking me time and a lot of reminding, that I need to be patient with my body. I miss my body without pains, every day. Who wouldn’t? Well, we can’t turn back time right now, but we can start accepting little by little and day by day, what our bodies are able to do right now.
I know a lot of us feel betrayed. I know a lot of us feel like our body hates us. But deep down inside, we know that’s not true. Yes our bodies are going through an unpredictable illness, that can affect us not only mentally, but as much as physically. Our bodies still need all the love and caring possible, just like our soul and mind need. It might be harder to do, but it all starts with you, by giving yourself time to grieve.
I'm doing the best I can
I know I will get there. I just need a lot of reminding, that I am still doing the best that I can. It is hard going through all these changes, that you have been used to doing a certain way and can't anymore. Changes do not happen overnight. They take time and that's what I will try to keep doing for myself and my body.