It’s Okay If You’re Not Where You Thought You’d Be By Now

Years ago I remember talking to some friends about what we envisioned for our futures—how our lives would look by the ages of 20, 25, 27… I remember saying that by 25, I had wanted to be finished college and starting my career, whatever that may be. I also wanted to have published a novel. Well, I’m 25 now and I can tell you that I have done neither of those things. My illness has stopped me from accomplishing many of the things I had sought out to do, at least for the time being.

We don’t have control over when illness strikes

Sure, I was already diagnosed with AS when I was nine, but while planning my future never had I anticipated worsening of symptoms or developing new ones. I hadn’t prepared for any of this. And it’s unrealistic for us to be expected, or to expect ourselves, to do so. With autoimmune conditions we have little-to-no control over when it chooses to rain down on our parade. So whatever chapter you’re in right now, be kind to yourself and remember that throughout all of this, you’ve always tried your best.

Life will look different, but that doesn’t mean you should change your dreams

You may not have the energy you once had or the ability to work as consistently towards your dreams. When our illness(es) progresses or flares up we have to learn to adapt, which takes time and patience. Life is going to be different in comparison to those who are able-bodied, but that doesn’t mean that the things you want to achieve are unachievable*. It just means you may need to alter your course of action or in many cases, slow down and work towards it at your own pace.

*Note: If you do have to change your dreams due to a major shift in physical or mental abilities—that is okay, too. Just remember that this isn’t your fault and that although it may not feel like it in the moment, there is something out there that will give you a feeling of purpose.

Age is irrelevant—don’t let society try to convince you otherwise

The world puts so much pressure on the idea that we need to be at a specific place by the time we reach a certain age. You must go to college once you graduate high school at 17, you must have your career set by 20-23, you must have a house by 25. Well those of us with chronic conditions and disabilities, it’s not that easy. Often enough many of us have to approach life at a different pace, which can alter the direction of our lives (financially, too) and of course that means it isn’t going to look the same as others. Even for those who aren’t disabled, I firmly believe the same idea should be applied: everyone follows their own timeline.

The only person who dictates where you should be by now is yourself. Sometimes the dreams we are working towards will have to be put on pause. Sometimes we have to alter the direction we are taking. You don’t have to be anywhere you don’t want to be. Let yourself be here, in the present moment and self-compassionate enough to believe that that’s okay.