How AS Has Changed Me

Although I’ve only been diagnosed for a year, I feel like I am a shadow of my former self. I have changed both physically and emotionally.

Before I was sick, I would run errands, meet friends, attend events and so on without a second thought. This once normal thing has changed a lot. Now, I need to plan these simple, everyday outings. And often, I need to cancel.

Physically my body has changed

It’s in constant pain, has muscle spasms sticking out of my shoulders and back. And it’s a little hunched over. Sometimes, I have a limp. Other times I don’t.

But, emotionally I have changed too. My mindset has changed. I have changed. I think more about myself now. I reflect on my feelings and emotions, a thing I never did in the past.

In the past year, I’ve seen huge emotional growth in myself. Things that would have stressed me out or upset me in the past don’t anymore. I think having a lifelong illness has changed how I perceive life. The little things don’t bother me anymore.

The most important person in my life is me

I have also realized that since becoming sick, it has given me the confidence to stand up for myself. Something I could have never done in the past. I used to be quiet the people-pleaser. Now my aim is to just please myself. I used to feel awkward and be afraid to say no to people. I no longer remember what this feels like. I have realized over the person that I am the most important person in my life. I need to do what's right for me.

My illness is here to stay. And what’s important is me and my illness. I must do things to help me, even if that means saying no and disappointing others. Believe me, I’m disappointed too! Usually, the reasons that I cancel or say no are; I’m in too much pain, I’m too fatigued and a new one, because it’s winter and everyone is sick. So, if a friend is sick or a member of their family is sick, I cancel. I am terrified of getting sick. I have been so lucky that in the past year and a half I have avoided all sickness. I shouldn’t be saying this as now I will definitely jinx myself. *Touches wood*

Planning and setting goals

Overall, the biggest change I’ve seen in myself is how much I have matured. I think getting sick has made me think about life more. I have to plan. And now, I’m planning for the future, my future. I have goals. Career goals, saving goals, etc. And, I have a plan on how I am going to achieve those goals. This is something I never did before. I would have been in the mindset of ‘going with the flow’ but, I feel a lot less stressed knowing where I want to be in the next year, or in five years' time.

Has being sick changed you?