Did My Covid Vaccine Put Me Into A Flare?

If you read my article How I Felt After My First Covid Vaccine, you'll know that I was very sick afterwards.  I was sick for about 5 days. This is ok, being sick was worth getting the vaccine.

There was one day where I spent the whole day in bed, which made my AS symptoms worse. On bad days, I would spend a lot of time in bed, but I always make sure to get up and even just walk around the house and do some gentle stretches. I felt so sick, I couldn’t do this.

So, I spent the whole day in bed. Because of this, I angered my spasms, and I felt a lot stiffer.

I felt like the tin man

My neck was stiff, my shoulders were sore, and my spasms went from my skull, down my neck, and down past my shoulder blades. I took diazepam, rubbed CBD oil, and applied heat. These are always things that will help ease my spasms, but today nothing helped! I just had to deal with them. I tried stretching and this just made them angrier.

The following day was the same, constant intense spasms. I don’t remember them ever being this intense before! They were so intense that they left bruises along my neck, shoulders, and upper back. This has never happened before. I made sure to take pictures so I could show my consultant as it always seems that I see him on days where my spasms are ok!

After this, I began to feel worse and worse. My whole body was in pain. My back ached and I felt like the tin man again. I had no energy at all! Even just getting out of bed and walking downstairs made me feel like I was going to faint.

When I feel this bad, it makes me sad. It makes me think back to my old life. I am sick of being sick. I want to have my old body back. I want to have my old life back. Feeling like this makes me feel like I took it for granted. I know I will not always feel like this, I won't always be sad. I will have good and bad days. But it scares me that I'm going to be sick forever.

Toxic positivity?

I always try and remain positive. I try and block out the negative thoughts, the sadness. But recently I have decided that I shouldn’t always remain positive because that’s not healthy. Sometimes I must feel the emotions that come with my physical illness. I need to deal with them. It is ok to cry, it's ok to feel sad.

It's hard to live and deal with the everyday struggles and the unpredictability that comes with having a chronic illness. I don’t need to feel brave all the time. Even though I am being brave by living with this and not blocking out the emotions. I am not getting better anytime soon and that is something I have to come to terms with.

So, I have decided to take one step at a time. It's ok that I have bad days and it is ok that you have bad days too. Good days come, and it's hard to remember that when you are having a bad day.

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