Keeping Faith for Better Days

When you’re down in the dumps for so long, sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or any light at all. Waking up and living out the same day over and over for nearly the last year, with little-to-no change, has made it challenging for me to keep faith that things will be better someday. Although it’s difficult and I most definitely go through bouts of discouragement, I still somehow pick myself up, brush myself off and keep holding onto that faith.

It’s okay to feel hopeless sometimes

Nothing is ever black and white. You are allowed to feel whatever you need to feel, are allowed to change your mindset, and are most definitely able to feel two things at once. I haven’t stopped being hopeful throughout my illness, but I still have moments where I feel hopeless and hate everything.

I can acknowledge that I know there will come a day where things will be better than this, but that for right now I find myself feeling like I’ll be stuck like this forever. You’re allowed to feel things while knowing that it isn’t the truth—it’s just a feeling.

Having something to believe in that’s bigger than myself

Whether that be religion, or believing in the Universe or fate, or even the idea that you are going through something for a reason or a lesson—finding something that is bigger than ourselves can be helpful in holding onto that faith. This is not to say that the narrative of “you got disabled for a reason” is right. Nobody truly becomes ill for a reason. It’s just life being life.

But trying to find some light in the darkness can be helpful in easing some of the weight off of our circumstances. For example, I’ve always known I wanted a career involving helping others in some way. After becoming this ill, it has motivated me to not only learn about autoimmunity and the human body for my own sake, but also in hopes of becoming some sort of health coach and assisting other chronically ill individuals some day. Reminding myself of this from time to time helps keep my head on straight and remember that eventually, all of this will help me help others in some way.

This is your "now" not your "forever"

I always try to remind myself that this is merely a chapter in my story—not the whole story itself. I have been through many different chapters in my illness journey. Growing up I never thought I would see the light of day where I would be in remission, and ended up being in remission for eight years. But look at everything that has happened in your life since the day you were born. How many chapters you have lived out. How many different versions of yourself you have grown into and out of. We still have so much of our lives for things to change.

I know it’s hard to see when you’re in the thick of everything—but change is coming. Things will get better.