Healing Is A Process

By Julie Vallortigara

3 min read

A few articles from my peers has made me reflect on the stage I am at with AxSpa. I have learned to live with it, manage some symptoms, cope with flares, pace myself and review regularly my lifestyle so I can adapt to any changes or progression of the disease.

Overall, I feel in control, I have an effective treatment and a toolbox of strategies to tap into when I need. When I read some stories about the emotional journey of some people, that makes me even more aware that I now work on healing myself. It doesn’t mean I am done with the management of AxSpa, I very much see that as a work in progress! On top of that, I have investigated my mental and emotional state, and the impact of the diagnosis, and years of struggle.

Healing and my environment

I have been working on my healing process and the way things are linked to my living environment. The place I live in can impact my lifestyle and hence the way I live with AxSpa. During the years I lived in London, I suffered. There I got diagnosed with AxSpa. Then I interacted with doctors, therapists, patients, and charities to find treatments, therapies and learn self-management approaches which would work for me to get better.

I have since moved to Edinburgh with the idea to heal myself after the trauma caused physically and mentally to me by AxSpa. Indeed, I tend to think that I am traumatized by my journey with AxSpa, particularly by the beginning of it. I have lived a physical break down, experienced high level of pain without knowing what it is, got a wrong diagnosis and been left in limbo. I had to fight to get answers at times when I struggled the most, and eventually I got a diagnosis. Moreover, the first medication I took made me really ill and I ended up in hospital in a worse state than before taking any drug...

So yes, after dealing with all this, and finally getting a proper diagnosis, and the right medication for me, I was affected mentally and emotionally. I have wondered what remains from those experiences within myself, my body, my mind, which can make me react, potentially overacting to changes, environment, new symptoms and create unnecessary and over-the-top stress and worries…

Healing physically, then mentally

After getting things under control medically speaking, I had to heal myself mentally and emotionally from what happened to me, and this can in my opinion be addressed differently from the medical approach used by most doctors. I knew I had to look closely at my mental health and process things, through counseling, through lifestyle changes, through spiritual practices. I needed to look at my environment and decide to move to a place where I could work on this healing, with new perspectives, giving me a new start somewhere else, which I chose carefully to fit that purpose.

Only then, being able to do these things, I could reach a level of rehabilitation in my life with AxSpa and set the scene for new plans, be ready for a new life and be stronger, feeling better equipped to face what might happen next, in the future, health wise.

Finding connection, art, and more

I am doing well, I am healing with nature, pets, fresh air, reconnecting with parts of myself which I thought were dead, gone, unreachable because of my diagnosis. I am also exploring spiritual practices like shamanic journeys, and I find it's working on my healing. I had healing sessions as well with a practitioner. I am connecting with new people, with the land, with artistic practices like dancing, singing, moving, crafting.

I find it quite a powerful process, it’s still ongoing. I am also reading for my self-healing. All this feels good, it opens for me new possibilities for the future. I am not saying that AxSpa is gone, I still have symptoms, I still need medication, physiotherapy, hydrotherapy, stretches, etc. However, I am working towards healing myself, my body, my soul now I have the space and capacity to do it, because I can manage my AxSpa.

Does this process of healing resonate with you? Have you found ways to heal yourself? Please share 😊

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Lisa Marie Basile Moderator & Contributor
This is really beautiful. It’s a good reminder that we heal in cycles and layers, and then it’s nonlinear. It happens gradually and overtime and it intersects with the many parts of ourselves. It’s not just about a disease. 
1. Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Lisa Marie Basile" user-id="2108259"/> Hello, Yes I agree with you, we heal in cycles and layers! I like that very much, and this is why I see that as an ongoing process. The more I discover about myself, the more I can reach for self reflection, introspection and healing if need be 😉 Take care, Julie.
Rebecca C Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> - thank you for writing down what I am going through - all of this resonates loudly for me. This disease is tricky, tripping me up at times but I get up and continue on. I am in the "process" of dealing with bettering myself through art, crafts, nature, etc. as well as figuring out where and what I am supposed to be doing with life. Though tough, I fight to be better. The New Year is bringing changes and I hope I can continue on with greater healing and wellness, mentally and physically, as well as continue on a path moving only forward while coping with SpA. Thanks for sharing. Rebecca (comm advc)
1. Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Rebecca C" user-id="2106882"/> Hello! Oh thank you for sharing these 😀 they are beautiful!! I love the pattern and the precision. You are so creative and talented. It's wonderful to be able to spend time making things with your hands, bit by bit, see the progress after each session. I bet you felt a great sense of achievement when you could hang these creations up your wall 😉 I hope you are keeping well xx Julie.
2. Rebecca C Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> Hi Julie! It's so good to hear from you. Hoping all is well with you in travels, and life in general. I am doing well—just a little tired some days. The fatigue still gets me though my current biological is working 85% better than all others. I love using my craft to express myself and have a great sense of achievement when I do finish. I would love to see you should I head to your side of the pond in 9 months. Rebecca
maisi Member
 <inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> <img src="/content/images/2022/11/15/6bed219547e6ffad3cba3cb2f93ea869_medium.jpg" alt="Nature Mandala" class="uploaded-image"/>
maisi Member
In the section, "Finding connection, art, and more," so many things resonate with me: nature, being outside, spending intentional time with my pets, prioritizing time for meditation, expressive arts activities, mandala/zentangle coloring, nature mandalas (see image below), journalling, writing poetry and most recently, returning to playing the piano. The process is the meaningful part for me - I will always be "in process," in this lifetime. And, the unwavering support, patience and compassion my husband extends to me is profoundly wonderful. <inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> <img src="/content/images/2022/11/15/41e141fa82928525d03ceef8edfb599d_medium.jpg" alt="Nature Mandala" class="uploaded-image"/>
1. Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="maisi" user-id="2108559"/> HI, Thanks for sharing your creation, this nature mandala is stunning! I really like it, and I can imagine the satisfaction that you have made that with your own hands 😀 This is inspiring to me to see what you do, all the creatives activities which you like doing and can feed you. If it was up to me, I would spend much more time doing these things and less of my work at the computer...😉 I have in mind to plan my work and try to retire early so I have more time for my artistry. That makes me so happy to do such things and I love sharing my work with other as well. And I relate to what you say, 'I will always be "in process," in this lifetime', that is full of meaning to me and I do see myself that way too. I think the arts help me to process things, acknowledge, make something out of my experiences, and move on when I am ready to do so. Thank you for your message and take care, Julie.
Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="James Hollens" user-id="2107776"/> Hi, Thanks for your support there. I think London has been great for me when I was younger and full of energy (and AxSpa free!) because this city is amazing and has a lot to offer as you know 😉 I am also grateful for the NASS group I found in London, and the support of doctors I had there, so certainly it was useful to be there when I got diagnosed. Then, the city became too busy, noisy and tiring with me... I wanted a better quality of life, a place for myself, more nature around me and somewhere I could feel settled and living at a slower pace. I did not manage to do that in many years I lived in London because of the fast pace of that city and the cost of living being too high... this is why I decided to leave, I knew my time there was done and I had good years there. But I knew this was not the place I was going to heal myself, too much going on, too many memories from before and after my diagnosis. I needed a fresh start in a new place which would be suitable for me at my age, with my condition. I hope that answers your question. Does this relate to your motivations to move out? Do you have any idea about where you want to go? Keep me posed! Always happy to chat about those tricky questions about lifestyle, living environment, etc. It can make a real difference once you found right place for you. Take care, Julie.
1. Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="James Hollens" user-id="2107776"/> Hi, So you were living in China before?! Wow, how was your life there? How long did you stay? I hear what you say about coming back near to your roots, when you need care and support. To answer your question, I did move straight from London to Edinburgh, and I am so glad I did! Taiwan sounds exciting!! I hope you will find a new place suitable which can be your new home 😀 Take care, Julie.
2. James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> Yeah I was there for 3 years and I absolutely loved it there! I'm not quite sure it was any roots that brought me back to London, more that I couldn't get any treatment there so had to come running back for the NHS to work out what was wrong with me haha. So glad that you are loving life up there! Has the weather had much of an effect of are the stereotypes of it being rainy across the border a lot a bit of a myth? Thank you very much! Fingers crossed I find somewhere doable and exciting to move to soon! Wishing you well, James (Community Member)
James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
Hi <inline-mention username="Julie Vallortigara" user-id="2107984"/> , I too really like hearing from other AS warriors and using their experiences to rethink some things that I do - something that I will no doubt be doing off the back of reading this too! Was there anything in particular about being in London that you felt was making things worse or getting in the way of your healing? I can't lie I am definitely looking into leaving the city myself for very similar reasons! So glad to hear that things have improved for you and thank for sharing so many great ideas that myself and many other AS fighters can take on board for our own battles! Wishing you all the best, James (Community Member)