How To Communicate To Someone That They Hurt Your Feelings

One of the hardest lessons I've learned over the years is the importance of communicating your feelings, especially when hurt by a friend or family member. When living with axial spondyloarthritis (axSpA), stress can exacerbate your symptoms, making it even more crucial to express how you feel.

While having these conversations might feel uncomfortable or awkward, doing so can be vital to maintaining your well-being. That’s why we must learn how to communicate our feelings constructively and protect our emotional health.

The importance of communication in managing axSpa

Living with axSpa comes with a unique set of challenges. The physical pain and fatigue are already taxing, but the emotional toll of feeling misunderstood or unsupported can be just as significant. When someone close to you says or does something that hurts your feelings, bottling those emotions can lead to increased stress, which may worsen your axSpA symptoms. Learning to communicate your feelings effectively can help you minimize stress, improve your relationships, and ultimately support your journey to better health.

The art of expressing your feelings without escalating conflict

Communicating hurt feelings is delicate, mainly concerning causing tension or conflict. However, approaching the conversation with empathy and clarity can make all the difference.

1. Pause and reflect

Before addressing the issue, take a moment to reflect on what exactly hurt your feelings. Was it the tone of voice, a specific comment, or a particular action? Getting to the root cause of your feelings can help with articulating them more clearly when communicating with the other person.

2. Use "I" statements

When discussing your feelings, focus on using "I" statements, such as "I felt hurt when..." This approach emphasizes your perspective without blaming the other person, making them less likely to become defensive. For example, instead of saying, "You always dismiss my pain," try, "I feel dismissed when my pain is downplayed."

3. Choose the right time and place

Timing is crucial when having a difficult conversation. Choose a time when you and the other person are calm and not distracted. Avoid discussing your feelings at the moment or when the other person is stressed or preoccupied.

4. Be specific and clear

Vague statements like, "You hurt my feelings" can be confusing or easily dismissed. Be specific about what happened and how it made you feel. For example, "When you made that joke about my condition, it made me feel like my struggles weren't taken seriously."

5. Listen and validate their perspective

After expressing your feelings, give the other person a chance to share their side. They may not have realized their words or actions were hurtful. Listening and validating their perspective can help you understand each other better and prevent similar issues in the future.

Building healthier relationships requires communication

You can build stronger, healthier relationships by learning to communicate your feelings effectively. When those around you understand how their words or actions affect you, they’re more likely to be supportive and considerate, which can reduce stress and help manage your axSpA symptoms more effectively.

But communication is a two-way street. It’s also important to recognize when others are trying to communicate their feelings to you, especially in the context of your condition. By fostering open, empathetic communication, you create an environment where everyone feels heard and respected.

Communicating your feelings, especially when hurt, is never easy. But when you live with a chronic condition like axial spondyloarthritis, it’s essential for your overall well-being. You can navigate these tough conversations with grace and empathy by pausing to reflect, using "I" statements, choosing the right time and place, being specific, and listening to the other person's perspective.

Remember, your health is your priority, and effective communication is one tool you can use to protect it.

Please share your insights in the comments below to help someone in the community struggling with the same challenges.