Taking a Moment To See the Lightness in the Darkness

To preface, I would just like to quickly say that no, of course we will not feel positive 24/7 while struggling with our illness. This is not one of those toxic positivity posts, and I will not tell you to “look on the bright side”. To this day I still have so many moments where I break down and wonder why I had to become ill or grieve the loss of my old self. My mission for this article is to simply make note of the lessons I have learned or the ways in which this illness has changed me in a more positive light.

I have become more empathetic

Having gone through something life-altering like getting diagnosed with a chronic illness, it has taught me to be more open-minded, considerate and warm towards others. Especially with learning so as a child, I think it helped navigate me toward finding my purpose: to help people, and hopefully leave the world kinder than I left it through sharing my story and leading with generosity. Everyone is going through their own struggles, and I try my best to stay conscious of that, especially in difficult situations.

I’ve learned that happiness and sadness can coexist

One of the major lessons I learned, even more so the last two years, is that feelings can overlap one another. People envision happiness to be a destination or something to achieve, when in actuality it can be fleeting, and even coexist with sadness.

Currently much of my life isn’t what I would like it to be. I am constantly grieving the life I used to have, as well as the life I could have had if I hadn’t become ill. I feel this deeply rooted sadness, but nonetheless, have experienced many moments of joy throughout this period. Emotions aren’t black and white. We don’t have to chain ourselves to the idea that you can only feel one emotion at once. I am both happy and sad at the same time.

It forced me to sit down and have hard talks with myself

Becoming homebound had put me into a position where I had lots of time alone, which inevitably forced me to sit with my demons, face to face. In the beginning, I had been breaking down every other day. But the longer I sat in the thick of it, the easier it started to become, and the more I learned about myself.

Though it was a miserable process, I eventually reached a point where I could recognize poisonous habits and cultivated coping strategies to combat them. It’s not to say these aren’t things I don’t presently face, but I put in the time and did enough of the leg work to spot those patterns and catch things early on, or overall handle them better.

Living with such disabling symptoms, it’s only natural we find ourselves in moments where the darkness washes over us. And even when we finally get through that wave, another one is bound to come. But it’s moments like these where, despite how much I wish things weren’t this way, I can at the very least notice that there has in fact been growth here.