alt=a woman in stages of grief and then finding hope

How It's Been Going With AxSpa

Getting diagnosed started off as such a bumpy ride. Every day looked hopeless. Every day looked like things would not get better. Every day I would be in bed. Most days, it would be all day, hoping and waiting for someone to help me out of what my body was going through. Every day I would be wishing that someone would see and believe what I was feeling.  

As time passed, I learned there is no such thing of someone coming, giving you a hand, and telling you "I will help you and make you better." It was a hard pill to swallow. Because having a chronic illness can feel like hell. You never know how you will feel. It's unknown. It's unpredictable.

I knew I needed to find a way to change things around

I knew I had to make my own plan, on how to accept and make this disease part of me, now. I knew I had to make this disease feel more at home, even though I hated it so much.  As a mother to 3 children, I knew I wanted to be a better example for them and for myself. I didn't want to show them that life was about giving up that easily. Because it is not!!!

Having a chronic illness comes in stages. You need to give yourself all the time needed. No matter how long it takes. Everyone is different and that is ok. Once I realized that it's ok to take my time and start slowly, in little steps, things started to feel and look a little different. Things started to feel a little better.

I started making a new routine that I would be able to follow realistically

It would include cutting down on every day chores, like cooking and cleaning. It would include accepting my limits and listening to my body, when it needs to stop and rest. It meant giving my body all the rest it needed and as much needed. It also meant getting rid of energy around, that brought me down and didn't help me feel good. I am a big believer in energy. Especially, always needing to explain yourself on why you are not feeling well and having to try and convince you are not lying.

Next, I wanted to try and find a remote job, where I can work in my own pace. A job where there was accommodations included to help make working easier. I knew would happen last and once finding the right medication to help me be comfortable, in my own body. This was a big part of my next step of healing, but I knew I had to work on myself first, before anything. It took a lot in me to do this.

After 3 years of being on sick leave, I made the next step in finding a remote job. It has not been easily getting up every day. A lot of painful and sleepless nights. But I want to keep having hope, that some how my future will look better. The only way for me is to keep trying and finding ways I can make it look better and happier for me.

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