The Difficulties of Remote Work with AxSpa

It’s my third week on my new job, as I am still in training. As I am writing this article, I have tears in my eyes from the tiredness. I am not trying to discourage anyone, but in my situation right now I do feel discouraged. I feel like I am not ready to work, but I don’t have a choice financially. (At this point, I wish the government would make it much easier for so many of us suffering with chronic illness, to be able to get long term disability benefits.)

I thought it would be easier, but I was wrong

I honestly thought it would be easy, since it’s a position working remotely. I have been having a hard time waking up. The mornings are the hardest for me. I am up most of the night, tossing and turning from the pain. I don’t remember the last time, I had a good night’s sleep. It feels like ages. My husband and I even changed our mattress thinking that was the problem. Nope, my sleeps still feels the same.

Waking up is so hard

Waking up, like I said, is the hardest part of the day. I have been managing and pushing through by making sure I take my pain medication Tramacet every morning. Then I follow with a hot shower, to help ease my pain and help release tension of my muscles. It is not easy to even do just these 2 steps. I then try to move around the house to maybe help with the stiffness on my body everywhere.

Sometimes, I don’t even have time, as my body can’t even get up from the bed from low energy to do everything I just mentioned. I am thinking maybe I need to pass through training and hopefully ask if it is possible to start at a later time. It’s funny how our bodies change. Before I was such an early bird, and now I can’t even function past 12pm.

I have trouble concentrating

My shift is from 9am to 5pm. So between those hours, I get an hour lunch. There is a lot of sitting all day and less movement causing even more pain, stiffness and fatigue to my body. By the time lunch comes, I am done for the day and need to spend most of the time resting in bed.

I forgot to mention the most important struggle has been concentration. What is that meaning? I have been struggling trying to focus on every word my trainer is saying. It doesn’t mean I don’t know the job, because I do. I just feel that someone in my position needs more breaks to be able to perform better at their job.

I honestly feel like I am always trying to catch up with everything

Not only with work, but with everything else that comes with being a mom and a wife. It just gets overwhelming a lot of the times. There are so many responsibilities on my shoulders, from making sure the 3 kids are ready for school, lunches are ready every day, the house is up to date and cleaned, the laundry and dishes are cleaned and put away.

Did I mention the groceries that need to be done every week, and the snacks that need to be stocked up, now that the kids are back to school? I just got tired thinking about it. Imagine fighting pain 24/7, anxiety, depression, and starting a new job, after being off on sick leave for so long.

Even though it sounds and looks scary, I need to continue having some sort of hope. I continue to take one day at a time. I keep hoping that tomorrow will come and it will be a better day. I keep hoping that my new biologic will bring me less pain and like I have said before, maybe remission. I know I am trying my best with all the circumstances. I know I am trying the best I can right now and I need to keep reminding myself not to lose that hope.

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