Right Now, I Need to Put Me First
I know today you are having a hard time. Last night, you went to bed thinking tomorrow would be a better day. You went to bed thinking tomorrow would be a good feel day. But today you woke up, feeling again unwell and here we go all over again. You opened your eyes and already felt extremely tired looking for some energy to get ready for work.
Thankful my kids have gotten to an age where they are able to get ready for school on their own. Thankful for a husband that has stood by me through everything. I know how hard it can be to be around someone that doesn't feel well all the time. I know how hard it can be to be around someone where we can't make plans as often as before. I know how hard it can be to be with someone where moods can change. I know how hard it can be to be with someone that you love and not know how to help them, because all you want to do is take all their pain away and make them better.
Already, the day looks so long to complete
But I decide to push and ignore what I am feeling. I get a cup of coffee, hoping it will help from a sleepless night and try to start working. Thankful, I am able to work remotely and not have to worry about traveling, getting dressed or even worry about interacting with others, on days like this.
I keep pushing through, but today it wasn't just pain and fatigue. It's been a couple days, I been on antibiotics for an infected finger and as much as I was hoping to prevent a flare, I am guessing this is a flare. Pain, fatigue, and my IBS has flared up. I've been running to the bathroom since last night with my stomach feeling unwell and not being able to eat. It's funny how our bodies react and get so sensitive from being sick. Who knew getting sick can also make your disease flare up.
Putting me first
Mid shift, I decide to reach out to my supervisor and let her know, I need to log off and I wasn't feeling well. Right now, I got to put me first. In the past, I would let the guilt take over. I would be afraid every time I would have to try and call in sick or take off early from work. But this time, I know I have to take care of my body and I have been pushing it through a lot. I know my body is fighting harder these days and I have to take care of it and myself.
I am thankful for finding a job with people that have been understanding and supportive. It's so important. Sometimes, I have that guilt, fear that comes over, when I need to call in sick or ask for a day off, or even let my superiors know I am not feeling well and need to log off early. As my previous employers, thought I was doing it purposely.
There's a couple of hours left before everyone comes home from school and work. I have some time to rest. I have some time to take care of me. Putting myself first sometimes needs to be done. I used to think of it selfish. But it's not. This is what will help me, be okay to take care of the rest of my family and myself. This is what will help get my mind and body a little stronger. This is what will help me get through a flare.
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