a man standing in a clock facing a sunrise

Does Time Heal All Wounds? 

Does time heal all wounds? No, it does not, but time can help heal you a little.

It has been a while

But I am back and better than ever. Well, I have been better. A lot better, like before my AS symptoms started. But, as I said, I am doing well. As well as I have been since my AS symptoms first started. For the first time, I am ok with living with AS. In fact, more than ok.

I mean, I’m still living with pain. And don’t get me started on the muscle spasms. But this pain is manageable, a lot more manageable than it was. Sometimes I think, have I just been living with this pain for so long that it has become bearable? The more I think about it, I realize that I’m wrong, and my overall pain has lessened. As I said, don’t get me started on my muscle spasms. They’re still there and they are still as angry as ever.

The one thing I know for a fact is that my fatigue has increasingly improved, a lot. And oh, how happy that makes me. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t experience fatigue, I just experience it less often and less intensely. Which I am extremely grateful for.

Before I got sick, if someone asked me would I rather live with pain or would I rather live with fatigue? I would have said "fatigue, duh!" Well now, my answer would be completely different. I would much rather live with pain for the rest of my life rather than fatigue. Well, maybe not the pain I experienced before I started biologics. Before that I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk, move, or basically do anything.

Fatigue

Fatigue is the worst things I have ever experienced. People who know, know, and people who don’t, don’t. It’s not just tiredness. Fatigue--well, at least the fatigue I experience--debilitates your life. You can’t think straight, you feel nauseous and unwell 99% of the time. You're dizzy. Your mood is low. You feel like you have no control over your life. Your skin burns, and it feels like part of you is missing. That’s how I felt, among other not so nice feelings.

I felt like I was missing out on my life

This all started when I was 22, I was watching my friends living their best lives while I was bed bound and my mam had to help me shower.

Looking back at this part of my life makes me feel a mix of emotions. Mostly sad, sad for younger me who felt like this was going to be her life forever. It also makes me incredibly proud and happy. In the past four years I’ve gone from a young woman who was so busy and active, to bed bound, to now getting their life back on track.

I know if I read an article like this a few years ago when I was basically bed bound it wouldn’t have made me feel better. I would have thought "that’s never going to be me." But believe me, it could be you. I am sharing my experience with the hope to raise your hopes.

Things do get better.

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This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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