The Moment I Stopped Fighting

By Jamie Boder

1 min read

The AS warrior! I was a fully fledged soldier on the battle to fight this disease. I threw everything at it and with aggression. Phrases such as "my body hates me” and “my body attacks me” were commonplace.

One day I woke up to the raw truth after chatting with an AS life coach Peter.

“If fighting worked, I'd be on the front lines fighting the battle alongside you,” Peter told me. But fighting does not lead to healing, or relief... Hold on, I thought, what does war usually achieve? Death? Destruction? Suffering?

I realized that leading a war against myself was not only illogical but was harming me. I couldn’t fight a war against myself. That is called self destruction. Yet I was conditioned to believe the AS warrior mentality was helpful.

I put down my sword and began to slowly make peace

With acceptance can come intention and healing.

Healing during a war stopped making any sense.

Fighting is stressful! Stress can lead to inflammation, so now I was trapped in a vicious cycle. Another thing about fighting is that it is exhausting! What is one of the most common symptoms of AS...Fatigue!

It was time to shift my entire mindset, identity and beliefs

This isn’t an article to try to persuade you out of being an AS warrior. If you find it truly helps you and you can say that with conviction, more power to you. But I have now realized that being an AS warrior was one of the biggest barriers to both acceptance and recovering a better quality of life. The body follows the mind as Peter taught me. So when I stopped fighting...guess what happened?!

I’ll leave it at that.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Lisa Marie Basile Moderator & Contributor
I love this so much. I think there’s a lot of language and idea around being a warrior — and that can be really helpful. It can remind people not to give up. But I think sometimes we forget that we do have to lean into some semblance of acceptance, that no matter what we do there will be days we cannot control. Sometimes letting go into the reality of pain or the possibility of a flare actually helps me, because it stops me from worrying and obsessing about things I can’t always entirely control.
Julie Vallortigara Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Jamie Boder" user-id="2107778"/> Hi! Yes I agree with you on that, fighting my body living with AxSpa was a lost cause. After few cycles of 'boom and bust' I realised that pacing, learning, adapting and self care was the way forward for me to accept my diagnosis and live better with it. This was, like you, such an important realisation!! Now, I am not sure about the concept of 'the body follows the mind'. My own experience by working with my body is the body has its own mind, its own wisdom and its own saying that the mind should learn to listen more often. Maybe the body tells the mind that fighting is not the way forward, by sending signals, by telling the truth about what is happening. I think our mind is tricking us sometimes by making us believing in things that the body tells us that is not quite true or possible or it's not what we need. Certainly, since my diagnosis, I have paid much more importance to my body, and have worked on making more space for it and explained to my mind that it has to listen and work in partnership with my body. I believe in the importance of a mindset to live better with AxSpa, but I would say that body and mind have their own journey and I am trying to make them walking alongside each other 😉 Thank you for your article, it has clearly inspired me!! Take care, Julie.
James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
Hi <inline-mention username="Jamie Boder" user-id="2107778"/> , This is such an interesting way of thinking about things! I suppose it all comes down to what you consider to be fighting. I think the fighting way works for me because I don't see my body as the enemy and instead fight the pain and other symptoms by putting my energy into doing things to improve my situation. But I am very glad to hear that you have found this shift of mindset has been beneficial to you! Thanks for sharing, James (Community Member)