Battling the Thoughts in My Head

By Nicky Flikas

3 min read

Have you ever had thoughts you just don’t want to have, and wish they would leave you alone? Have you ever had thoughts that race one after the other, making it so hard to focus? Have you ever had thoughts that raced in a room full of people, and you're trying your best not to lose control? Well you are not alone. This happens to me every day. Or almost every day. Just like the pain and the fatigue does. You heard me--you are not alone!

Some thoughts that come a long can be good

I love those. They bring on positive vibes. They bring on good feelings. They make me feel good. They make me want to conquer the world. These days, I make goals that I want to accomplish and feel like I am able to. These days I have a smile on my face. I feel like I got this.

Then you have the bad thoughts that come

I hate them the most. Sometimes they love to come without me inviting them. Sometimes they can start slowly and join together with many thoughts all at once. I hate them with big passion. They come and stand in the way, making me feel like nothing is good. Nothing I am doing is right. Nothing I am doing is good enough. They have me feeling guilty. They have me questioning myself and everyone around me. They make me second guess everything. It is hard to go on during days like this.

The bad thoughts race one after another, sometimes with no break. They creep me out. They can get dark, where all I see is a rush full of problems that are not even real--but make me feel like they are. These bad thoughts that come nonstop have me full of anxiety. My heart can start to race with beats that feel like my heart will come out of my chest.

What helps me get through these thoughts

Just as I do for my excruciating pain that my AS and fibro bring, I focus on self care. I know when I'm feeling like this, I have to take a step back and really take care of my body and mind.

What helps me is creating a playlist to have handy and to listen to that will help bring my mood up. Journaling and writing down everything I am feeling. The good and bad. Writing my emotions down is another level of finding some relief. A lot of times with chronic illness, I find it’s hard to talk about what is happening with my bodies and mind to others. This makes it hard finding someone that can understand. I find journaling helps me with this.

The community of Instagram, Facebook, and through this website also help. I am thankful for finding so many others going through the same things. I know I can come and browse and find others going through the same struggles, who will help me find some tips and tricks to keep going.

Finding ways to relax my body is so important. This is where I take moments and learn to use breathing techniques; in and out slowly. Listening to my voice and body letting that breath in and out slowly. Another great thing is stretching. I try taking 5 minutes out of the day to do so. I know it can be hard sometimes when not feeling so well. Another great thing I love to do is taking a small walk outside. Just to get some of that beautiful air around me. A bonus is when there is some sunlight.

These thoughts think they have control over me a lot of the times. Little do they know I have the power in the end to take over and change them slowly into thoughts I want to make real in my own way for myself.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AxialSpondyloarthritis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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James Hollens Moderator & Contributor
Hi <inline-mention username="Nicky Flikas" user-id="2484107"/> , Sorry to hear that you struggle with these thoughts as well, but thank you for being brave enough to open up and shine some light on the issue! I think these are some great tips for dealing with it too. I find that a walk with some music really clears my mind - I usually listen to music in foreign languages too so even the lyrics can't get in the way! I haven't tried journaling like this before, so it might be worth a try! Do you write things down on your phone or do you have an old school journal book for yours? Wishing you well, James (Community Member)
Lawrence Rick Phillips Moderator & Contributor
 Negative thoughts? Like when Jan the dancer sat next to me in algebra class and she was dating Ray and I thought Jan was pretty cool and I asked her out and she said yes but only if Ray never knew and I said OK but I did not like Ray so I told Tim and he told Ray and next thing I knew Ray got arrested for doing bad things and I was happy? Is that what you mean? Gosh I am so glad I no longer have thoughts like that anymore. I mean since the medication and all. I know you must understand. Just saying.
Roots77 Member
Wow! This sounds like one of my bad days, the bad thoughts for me get so scary sometimes and I feel like I won't be able to make it through the day. Thank God I have my husband and a very close friend whom I can share the good,,bad and ugly thoughts with and not have to be judged or explain anything to them other then how I'm feeling. These last couple of months have been much easier mentally even though the pain can be a bummer as my pain is mostly in my buttocks hands wrist feet and ankles. When the bad thoughts come on I tell myself it's because of the disease and it will pass soon. I take each day as it comes and Give Thanks for All My Blessings. Sending Healing Love And Light To All
1. Rebecca C Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Roots77" user-id="4515280"/> Thank you for reading Nikki's article and participating in the conversation. Mental health is so very important, especially while dealing with chronic disease. Very glad to hear the last couple of months have been easier for you mentally, especially while dealing with the pain of AxSpA/AS. Hoping it eases even more for you. Having bad thoughts can really wreak havoc on the body and mind. Having the ability to tell yourself it's temporary is a great way to ease the heavy burden of negative talk. It's ever so important to remember this too shall pass. Also having special people in your life who support and listen is such a remarkable gift. Glad they are there for you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. We all need this asset. Wishing you well, and a marvelous Spring season. Rebecca (community moderator)